When the Narcissist Flips the Script: A Day at the Shopping Center

Today started like any other winter day in Norway—cold, dark, and perfect for staying indoors. By the afternoon, however, the kids were restless, and we decided to take them to a shopping center with a free play area. It seemed like a good idea: a bit of exercise for them, some shopping and snacks, and hopefully a smooth afternoon. What unfolded, however, was another reminder of just how quickly my husband can turn a simple outing into an emotional whirlwind.

After some time in the play area, the kids got hungry, so we sat down to eat. It’s in public settings like this where my husband’s behavior often becomes unbearable. If one of the kids makes even a small fuss—like our son complaining about how his food was cut—my husband acts as if the world is ending. His frustration isn’t just directed at our son but at me, too. He thinks I’m too lenient, too relaxed about their behavior, and he makes it clear he disapproves.

When my son started screaming, I stayed calm, reminding myself of everything I’ve read about parenting and what I know about how parents handle such situations in Norway. Here, parents generally ignore small tantrums, allowing children to self-regulate without feeding into the drama. And honestly, it works. Norwegian children are known for being calm and well-behaved. But my husband can’t stand the noise—or perhaps the idea of what others might think of us. He angrily grabbed our son and announced he was taking him outside.

I managed to diffuse the situation, calming both my son and my husband enough for us to sit back down. But then, my son did something my husband deemed unforgivable: he put something in his mouth that might have been dirty. For me, this wasn’t a big deal. I believe a little dirt strengthens their immune system, and my son rarely gets sick, he is also still breastfeeding. But to my husband, this was unacceptable.

What happened next is where the real confusion began. One moment, I was calmly explaining my perspective, trying to reassure him that it wasn’t worth the drama. The next, his demeanor flipped completely. His voice grew sharp, and he began to attack me: “You’re so naïve. He’s going to get sick because of you. You’re the worst mother—I can’t believe you don’t care about your own child’s health. What kind of horrible person are you?”

It hit me like a slap. Suddenly, I wasn’t just a calm, capable parent navigating a normal parenting challenge. In his eyes, I was transformed into a terrible mother, a negligent monster who didn’t care if her child got sick. It felt like a death sentence—a condemnation of everything I strive to be as a mother.

And all this happened in front of my children. They heard their father say that their mother doesn’t care about their health. Those words, spoken with such certainty, cut deeper than anything he could direct at me alone. How do you undo that kind of message? How do you protect your children from the idea that their mother is reckless or unloving when it’s coming from someone they are supposed to trust the most? It’s not just the accusation itself that hurts. It’s the way it undermines your role, your bond with your children, and your ability to provide them with a stable sense of security.

The Emotional Whiplash of a Narcissistic Partner

This is what it’s like living with a narcissist. The speed at which they can flip the script is staggering. One moment, they seem frustrated but manageable; the next, they’ve unleashed a torrent of blame and shame that leaves you reeling. It’s not just about the argument at hand—it's a complete devaluation of who you are as a person.

This emotional whiplash is one of the most disorienting aspects of being in a narcissistic relationship. You’re constantly trying to stabilize the situation, to maintain peace, to find common ground. But just when you think you’ve achieved it, they turn the table entirely, making you feel like you’re the problem.

It’s exhausting. It’s confusing. And it’s deliberate.

Narcissists thrive on control, and this kind of behavior keeps you off balance. You start questioning yourself:

• Am I really a bad mother?

• Am I too lenient?

• Should I have done things differently?

  
  

But here’s the truth: the problem isn’t you. It’s the way a narcissist manipulates situations to make you feel small, wrong, and responsible for their emotional outbursts.

Breaking Free from the Cycle

Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking free from their grip. When you see how quickly they can turn the tables—how they use confusion and shame to maintain control—you can start to protect yourself emotionally.

• Remind yourself of reality: You’re not a bad mother for letting your child explore.

• Set boundaries: You don’t have to justify every decision to someone who refuses to listen.

• Seek support: Friends, family, or a therapist can help you regain clarity and confidence.

Living with a narcissist means constantly walking on eggshells, trying to manage their emotions while doubting your own. I need to remind myself to recognize the pattern, trust my instincts, and take small steps toward reclaiming my peace.

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