How Therapy Helped Me Survive Life with a Narcissistic Partner

Before I entered my current relationship, I spent years in therapy working on myself. I sought help to address my own struggles, including being diagnosed with a personality disorder. Little did I know then that the insights and tools I gained from therapy would later become my lifeline, helping me navigate the challenges of living with a narcissistic partner.

If I hadn’t done that work on myself, I honestly don’t know where I would be today. I shudder to think about the shape I’d be in—mentally, emotionally, and physically—if I didn’t

have the foundation therapy gave me. I’m sharing this because I believe that self-awareness and healing are critical, not just for your own growth, but for surviving difficult relationships.

The Lessons I Took from Therapy

Therapy taught me many things about myself and the way I interact with the world. It gave me tools to identify patterns, understand behaviors, and, most importantly, stay connected to my own sense of reality. Here’s how those lessons have helped me:

1. Understanding Human Behavior

Therapy helped me see that people’s actions are often shaped by their past experiences, especially trauma. This understanding gave me a lens through which to view my partner’s behavior. I can now see that his harsh words and controlling tendencies likely stem from unresolved issues in his own life.

For example, my partner once told me, “Even with children, there’s no such thing as unconditional love.” That hit me hard. It reminded me of how his father would say to our children, “If you don’t do what I say, I don’t love you.” Therapy helped me realize that his distorted view of love isn’t about me—it’s about how he was raised. While that doesn’t excuse his actions, it gives me context to understand them.

2. Balancing Empathy with Boundaries

Therapy taught me to empathize with others, but it also taught me the importance of boundaries. Without that training, I might have fallen into a cycle of excusing his behavior entirely. I often find myself thinking, What happened to him to make him this way? But therapy has helped me draw a line between understanding and enabling.

I’ve learned that while someone’s past may explain their actions, it doesn’t excuse them. As adults, we are responsible for our behavior, no matter what we’ve been through. Therapy gave me the clarity to hold onto that truth.

3. Staying Grounded in Reality

One of the most valuable tools I gained from therapy is the ability to trust my own reality. Living with a narcissistic partner can make you question your perceptions. Gaslighting, blame-shifting, and manipulation are constant challenges. If I hadn’t already spent years in therapy learning to validate my own feelings and experiences, I would have likely fallen into self-doubt even more.

Therapy taught me how to check in with myself, to reflect, and to trust my instincts. It’s this internal compass that keeps me steady, even when I’m faced with chaos.

4. Radical Self-Care

Therapy showed me that self-care isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity, especially in difficult relationships. I’ve learned to prioritize my mental and emotional health, even when it feels selfish. Whether it’s taking time to read, journaling, or going for a walk, these small acts of care remind me of my worth.

Therapy’s Double-Edged Sword

Interestingly, the very empathy and self-awareness that therapy gave me can sometimes work against me. Hearing countless stories in therapy about why people behave the way they do made me deeply compassionate. When my partner lashes out or says something cruel, my first instinct is to wonder what pain he’s carrying. But that compassion can also trap me, making it harder to hold him accountable.

Therapy has helped me find balance. I can acknowledge his struggles without sacrificing my own well-being. I can say, This is not my fault, and mean it.

Why Therapy Is Still My Anchor

Therapy didn’t just help me in the past—it continues to be my anchor in the present. The tools I learned during those years are things I return to again and again:

• Emotional regulation: Learning to calm myself during moments of stress.

• Boundaries: Knowing when to step back and protect my peace.

• Perspective: Understanding that his actions don’t define me.

  
  

Most importantly, therapy taught me that I’m capable of growth, healing, and resilience. Even in the most challenging circumstances, I know I have the strength to navigate them.

A Lifeline for Those Who Need It

If you’re in a difficult relationship and feel overwhelmed, I can’t recommend therapy enough. It doesn’t solve everything, but it gives you the tools to start untangling the mess, to find clarity, and to protect your sense of self. For me, it has been a guide, a refuge, and a source of strength.

The work I did on myself before this relationship is what keeps me going now. It’s what helps me be a better mother, a more present person, and someone who can hold onto hope—even in the toughest times.

Read My Other Posts